ANOTHER CORONA FOR THE ROAD, PERHAPS? FIRST CONTACT

TRICK QUESTION: What do Iceland, New Zealand, South Korea, and Germany all have in common? Like me, your initial answer might be NOTHING. Iceland is a big ball of ice in the middle of frigid nowhere whose handsome blond people dress in black, drink themselves into oblivion because the weather is so depressing, and speak a language of unpronounceable consonants. New Zealand sits on the southern edge of the known world just north of Antarctica where sheep vastly outnumber humans, kiwi fruit is the national namesake, and where those lovable hobbits come from. South Korea is a slick Asian nation of young super techies dancing to androgynous K-Pop hipsters as the Fat Boy to the north threatens them with nuclear annihilation. And then there’s old school Germany, with its thrifty, industrious, no-nonsense, burgher-boy sensibilities, fueling the economic engine of Europe. You couldn’t find four more disparate nations on the earth than those four. Right?

WRONG! It turns out these four dissimilar countries all somehow managed to control the spread of the COVID-19 novel corona virus. And they did so by following the proven Three Step Virus Program.

  • Self Isolation
  • Testing
  • Contact Tracing

Being a Third World nation these days, the United States doesn’t believe in science, so we don’t think COVID-19 is that big of a threat. And that means that a vast portion of the country has not followed the quarantine guidelines laid out by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) and the World Health Organization (WHO), two commie, liberal, know-it-all, anti-white people groups involved in a giant conspiracy bent on world domination.

Testing? Yeah, we don’t test. See, we got rid of all of the scientists, sold most of the personal protection equipment, and sat on our asses until the virus struck in February. Then, rather than use the WHO test kits, like the rest of the world, we lost a month scrambling to make our own super-duper kits which didn’t work and ended up costing us another month to fix. Team Trump eventually said, “Screw it.” And left it up to the states to do the testing. Most of the red states said testing was a waste of time. And the blue states were so busy trying to keep the sick alive, they didn’t have time to test. So, the United States has no fucking idea how many people have or have gotten the virus, and the mortality rate is a complete mystery.

And that just leaves Contact Tracing, which has a big brother sound to it, and I don’t like it any more than those goddamn masks.

Contact Tracing is the key that allows a nation to get back to semi-normal without there being a vaccine. Assuming that people are self-isolating — which we have already established a lot of Americans are not doing  when someone tests positive, their contacts list should be pretty short, like a handful of people.  Those people should quickly be tested something else we don’t do while their contacts list is also quite short.  Eventually, you isolate all the infected people from the rest of the herd and then open up your country because you finally have the situation under control.

But Contact Tracing would take an army of at least 100,000 trained specialists to go around contacting people who test positive for the virus, either in person, or by phone, and finding who they had recently been in close contact with.

Well now, that don’t sound right to me. I mean, I aint talking to no goddamn stranger from the guvmint about anything, starting with that census bullshit. And what right does the guvmint have to know who I have been hanging around with? No siree, I think I’ll take my chances with the virus, thank you. Aint no worse than the flu anyhow.

Now, normally, we could just ignore the dumbshits who thought getting an education, science, and personal hygiene were a waste of time, and who have a hankering for strong painkillers and Sean Hannity. But that won’t work with the coronavirus because if they get infected and keep gathering at freedom rallies, hugging one another and spitting in faces, and then go shopping where we who are actually trying our best not to get sick buy our supplies, well then, the whole house of cards falls down. Like it or not, we are all going to work together like Iceland, New Zealand, South Korea, and Germany, or we are all going to get COVID-19 and a lot of people are going to die. Ignorance won’t save us this time.

You know what else those four nations who have managed to manage the COVID-19 novel coronavirus outbreak have in common? They are all run by women.

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