VERSION #1 – Last Night of the Cruise
All in all, our cruise on the Norwegian Escape was pretty damn good. Sure, it was crowded at times with a lot of people jostling for position. The severely limited number of pools were scary packed to overflowing. The buffet area was often a bumper pig frenzy of mass consumption and waste. And getting on and off the boat always involved long lines and required endless patience. But people on cruises are generally quite happy and friendly. They’re on vacation just like you and they just want to have some fun.
The crew of of the Norwegian Escape made it easy for us to enjoy our stay. They pampered us from stem to stern and treated us like royalty. The staff was polite, efficient, and always helpful. There were all sorts of shiny things, from specialty restaurants to spas, all designed to capture our attention and give us soothing pleasure. The ship was clean and pleasing to the eye. The ports of call offered lovely beaches, local flavors, and amusing entertainment. And when the crush of the crowds got too much, Inn and I simply sought refuge on our balcony. The sky and water show never stopped.
You know, poking fun at cruise ships is like shooting pigs in a barrel. But no matter how terrible you try and make it all sound, you well never, EVER, convince me that it doesn’t have its moments of utter enchantment. There is noting like leaving some cold winter wasteland in February, getting on a cruise ship in southern Florida or Puerto Rico, and that first night (and all those thereafter), sitting naked in a comfy chair on your balcony with your partner in love; it’s 75 degrees and the smell of the ocean is intoxicating; you have a frosty boat drink in your hand; and there are flying fish and dolphins launching off the moonlit bow waves. And while I would take a Colorado river trip over a cruise any day or night, I never saw a breaching whale on any river trip — other than some curious Orcas swimming around our tipsy canoe in the wind-whipped passage between Douglass Island and Juneau in Alaska one crazy summer day back in 1976.
So, here’s what I think: most of the people who say they hate cruising never did one. I know. I used to be one of those people. And then there are the rest of the haters who just can’t deal with lots of people and industrial strength tourism of any kind. And I can respect that. I too like plotting my own course and figuring out where to go, where to stay, how to get there, where to eat, what to do, and all the other mysteries of do-it-yourself travel. But sometimes — especially when it’s cold and nasty outside in in winter — it’s nice to let someone like Norwegian do the driving.
VERSION #2 – One Month After the Cruise
On the last day of our Western Caribbean cruise I felt a scratchiness in my throat and knew instinctively that I was getting sick. Boy, was I getting sick! By the time we walked off the Norwegian Escape I was coughing and wheezing. I had a fever. I was weak and had no energy. And I was pretty sure I had caught the flu. I had gotten a flu shot in November, but they are always hit or miss.
As soon as we got in the cab outside the frenetic cruise terminal and started heading for Hollywood Beach, the car radio started blasting story-after-story about COVID-19, a corona virus out of Wuhan, China. We hadn’t heard the news for the past seven days, and apparently a lot had happened since we set sail. The virus had just popped up in a nursing home in Seattle, Washington; people were dying; and infectious disease experts from the World Health Organization (WHO) were sounding the alarm.
The first thought running through my head was: Did I catch the corona virus on our cruise?
It would be many days until just anyone in the U.S. could get tested. All testing throughout the country was initially being handled by the Feds through the Center for Disease control in Atlanta. And when I returned to Maryland, I was told there were no tests available.
Meanwhile, thousands were dying in China, South Korea, and Japan, and the disease was ominously springing up in other states around America, like California, New York, New Jersey, and Florida. The insidious noose was tightening.
Nineteen days after catching whatever the hell it was I had, and the day before I was finally able to get tested for COVID-19 by my doctor in Annapolis, I sat down and made a list of all the people I remembered having come in contact with since getting sick. I figured this would be what the authorities would want to know right away if I was carrying the virus.
First Five Days of Infection
Multiple staff on the Norwegian Escape on my last day aboard ship (50)
Multiple passengers on the Norwegian Escape on my last day aboard (200)
Multiple staff and law enforcement inside the cruise terminal baggage area (10)
Several law enforcement and traffic managers in the cruise terminal’s taxi pickup area (4)
Cab driver from cruise terminal to the Hotel Sheldon
Hotel Sheldon Staff (5)
Staff at Florio’s pizza for three dinners (10)
Diners within 3 feet of my table at Florios (50)
Staff at Ocean Alley for three breakfasts (10)
Diners within 3 feet of my table at Ocean Alley (50)
Staff at Taverna Opa (4)
Diners within 3 feet of my table at Taverna Opa (16)
Hollywood Discount Liquors (5)
Basic Market & Souvenirs (5)
DAHA Market (5)
Baker Towers construction staff (5)
People on the Broadwalk during my five days in Hollywood Beach (100)
People at the Ft Lauderdale Airport and on my flight home (100)
Close contacts in Hollywood Beach, Florida and in Annapolis, Maryland
Kelly (close friend from West Palm Beach) Solette (renter)
Kiko (renter)
Steven (neighbor)
Tomas (Baker Towers building engineer) Deb (Baker Towers Board Member) Baker Towers property manager Baker Towers custodian
Jimmy (picked me up at the airport)
Eric (close friend – 3 lunches)
John (renter who I had dinner with)
Frank & Barbara (neighbor who I had dinner with) Tina (neighbor who I had dinner with)
Gavin (Mayor of Annapolis who I hugged at the St. Patrick’s Day Parade)
Incidental People from the Annapolis
Annapolis Crewe Band who I marched with in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade (30)
Paul (stood next to chatting at the St. Patrick’s Day Parade for thirty minutes) Fred (Annapolis Alderman I hugged at the St. Patrick’s Day Parade) Bob (stood next to chatting at the St. Patrick’s Day Parade for thirty minutes) Gerald (bought a lawnmower on Craig’s List at his house) Fran (bought a backpack on Craig’s list at her house)
Postman (3)
The Y in Arnold (went once and was close to many people and sat in a sauna with three people) (30)
Tai Chi Class (15)
Elks Club staff for lunch (5) Diners within 3 feet of my table at Elks Club (10)
Annapolitan Club staff for lunch (2) Diners within 3 feet of my table at Annapolitan Club (15)
Dr. Dabbs’ Office for two visits (10)
Graul’s market for five trips (50)
Home Depot for three trips (30)
West End Liquor (4)
Navy Federal Credit Union (6)
Sam’s Club + Gas (20)
Dr. Eaton’s Office (10)
Gold Leaf (10)
So, my best guess was that I could have infected at least 900 people in the almost four week period between getting sick on the cruise ship and finally getting my corona virus test results. I had never in my life thought about each person I came in contact with in my daily travels, and my lengthy list was scary as hell because I am retired and I don’t really get around very many people in the course of an average day. Of course, there was a cruise ship, airport, and a big parade in there, but still …
And if I got the virus, then my wife Inna definitely did too because she flew home three days early to Annapolis with flu-like symptoms. How many people did she infect? I ball-parked that number at somewhere around 600 possible infections.
Do the math. My wife and I could have infected 1,500 people. And it is estimated that a person with the virus infects another two people. Meaning we started a viral chain of 3,000 unsuspecting souls. Then there’s everyone they came in contact with. Times two. And before long, your goddamn head explodes.
I went to my doctor and was tested for COVID-19 twenty days after the first symptoms of illness surfaced somewhere out there in the sultry Caribbean Sea. I still felt run down and clogged up. I was tested on Friday March 13th. And my test results came back on Thursday March 19th. How many more people had I infected during that six day waiting period? And how many people did they infect?
The good news is that my corona virus test came back negative. Whatever I picked up on the cruise ship that made me feel so bad for so long was not the corona virus. More like Flu Lite.
But just look at my contacts list and consider what a shit show it could have been. We are getting bombarded non-stop with often conflicting information. Trump, the guy who is supposed to be leading the national charge is so full of shit his eyes are brown. And you can’t swing a cat without hitting an expert on one thing or another, telling you this and that. But the next time you hear about infection rates, just think about the unrelenting nature of a viral wildfire. A virus doesn’t give a rat’s ass whether you do the right thing or not. Like the mighty Mississippi, it just keeps rolling along. And imagine if rather than a two percent mortality rate like COVID-19, it was Ebola, with a fifty percent kill rate. That’s our future, friends and neighbors. THIS WAS JUST A DRILL!
Oh, yeah, and we all might want to rethink the whole cruise thing.
